kilgo

Kilgo is one of my favourite older songs. In 2018, which I’ve dubbed my ‘most suicidal year’ (daresay I’ve got a few years that are good contenders for the title), I wrote a ton of poems about my struggles. The notable poems include ‘The Bath’, ‘The Roof’ and ‘Void.’ I reference all of them in my music as well as adding more to it. This song is cold water, hollow nights, an unfamiliar reflection, and an ache in my chest that never seems to go away.

The reason why this song is called Kilgo is because it was originally going to be called ‘Can I Let Go Now?’ Which, when shortened, is C.I.L.G.N.  I decided that K.I.L.G.O looked cooler and later added the word ‘Kilgo’ into my world. In short, a Kilgo is a sadness sprite, and you can see what it looks like on the Oxygen Levels cover and the 40ft Down canvas. Every time I was sad, I would imagine a swarm of Kilgo floating down around me and coating my body like a blanket, soaking up all my sadness.  I changed the end lyrics of the song from ‘can I let go now?’ to ‘I won’t let go now.’ I’m glad I didn’t let go.

40ft down

Pretty sure I wrote this in 2018 as well and recorded it properly a few years later. This song in essence is the ocean. The feeling of sinking miles underwater, praying that someone will reach out and drag you back up. It doesn’t really have a smell, again it’s mainly just a feeling, but it is a blue song.

w.i.l.a

For those wondering, the title stands for ‘what is love anyways?’ I wrote this quite a while ago, but I still remember my vision for it. It’s the piano in my home drenched in blue fuzzy light. Very simple, as again this song is a personal one.

oxygen levels

Let’s keep this one short shall we.

Smells like vanilla candles and match smoke, sweat, lipstick and leather. Looks like…. well, red lights and you can imagine the rest. Tastes like red wine and someone else’s kisses.

cinnamon space

I want to take this song down so bad coz it’s so lovey dovey and lord knows I’m not lovey dovey.

Anyways,

I imagined a cosy winter cabin in the woods somewhere with the person you love. You’re drinking whisky with them in front of a fireplace, warm furs hugging you both. It feels safe, and not so unfamiliar.

depths

My first vision for depths is an overcast day on a black sand beach. The edge of the water is littered with rockpools, but the further in you walk, the closer you become to going more than knee deep under the water. You are out here alone, your long white garments whipped around by a cold briny gale. Vapour mists your face when larger than usual waves crash against the rocks. Ever nearing, a creature older than the tales of time glides quietly through the water, up and up towards you.

My second, favourite and most accurate vision for this song, I have actually written about before. Before the creation of my world, I wrote a story in high school English called ‘Depths.’ Years later, I wrote the song for it, having completely forgotten the story I had previously written. Another year passed, and I wrote of a place in my world belonging to the icy, desolate regions of the Northern Wastes. Inside an ice-capped rim of mountains forming a perfect circle lies a frozen lake... Lake Dronok.  Around the lake, lies beds of snow. One half of the beds are covered with evergreen trees, the other side is dappled with dark rocks which lead to a sheer vertical mountain face. I see a shadow breaching the tree line, fur lined boots leaving a trail in the snow. The figure approaches the edge of the frozen lake, peering across.

This lake hasn’t been crossed in a long time… But it hasn’t been warm for even longer. The hooded figure begins making their way across, a bird above flits past. Miles below their feet, a creature older than the mountains surrounding creaks awake. Nearing the centre of the lake, the ice cracks below their feet. Nothing to be concerned about, but perhaps a sign to move faster. The creature below excites as the white light of day soaks its clouded, gargantuan eyes which sit like ghost glass inside a mottled black skull. The person above shies away as a shadow darkens the ice beneath their feet. It circles around and around, seemingly playing a game. Yards away, sharp spines cut like a saw through a segment of ice. Seconds later, an inky tail marbled with time rips through the only safe barrier left.

The figure staggers on a drifting slab of ice as the creature continues circling faster and faster, spinning the ice, and dizzying its desperate passenger. Time brutally drags, freezing briny water cuts across the persons face and a bird somewhere shrieks. The water suddenly stills. The figure is on all fours, breath ragged, eyes wide and limbs shaking. They look forward, wondering how on earth they can escape to solid ground. In front of them, the water ripples and a bump appears in the charcoal lake. Slowly, how dreadfully slowly does the creature raise it great head above the quaking figure, it’s jaws screech open a long-closed maw. Rows of massive sabre teeth lunge down upon its meal, piercing in every direction. Dragged blissfully down into a cold, watery grave they go, plumes of scarlet painting the water into a sickly portrait. The ice will close, the snow will cover it, and once again the creatures feast will begin.

mine instead

I’m gonna keep it a stack off rip. I do NOT wanna do this one because my delusional ass ‘fell in love’ with someone I had never met like 3 years ago. All you’re gonna get of this one is imagine some sad ass mf posted up in their room yearning. K bye LMFAO